How do I describe the feelings associated with the departure of a colleague of 37 years, paralegal, Monica Bahls! Is it like a death, a divorce or simply someone so important in my life who has gone missing? Monica and I grew up together, divorced, remarried and had babies together. We saw every flaw the human condition can generate. We counseled clients and as the years passed became wiser as a result. Monica has been a confidant and conscience. While we never agreed on many basic values we always shared the value of service to our clients. She will be missed but her impact, devotion and sense of justice will remain.
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Read FullWe are pleased to announce that NANCY ZALUSKY BERG, LLC has been named a Tier 1 Family Law firm in the 2020 Edition of U.S. News – Best Lawyers “Best Law Firms.” Click here for the full publication.
We are excited to announce that Nancy Zalusky Berg, for the 17th consecutive year, was selected to the 2019 Minnesota Super Lawyers as a Top 50 female attorney.
We are proud to announce that two of our associates have been honored to be included as 2019 Rising Stars. A senior associate, Jessica Altmann has earned this honor for the 3rd consecutive year, and associate Ruta Johnsen, has been honored as a Rising Star for the 2nd consecutive year.
Congratulations Nancy, Jessica, and Ruta
On May 31, 2019, two of our attorneys – Nancy Zalusky Berg and Ruta Johnsen – shared their wisdom and expertise on handling the complexities of the aftermath of a parental child abduction case.
Nancy and Ruta conducted a workshop at the AFCC 56th Annual Conference in Toronto. The workshop focused on the aftermath of The Hague abduction decision in the context of trauma, family dynamics, financial uncertainty, and other considerations. The pair guided the participants through the next steps of the case, examining decisions practitioners should make, and participating in a discussion and overview of lessons learned through years of representing parents in abduction cases.
NANCY ZALUSKY BERG, LLC serves international clients in many different situations: Hague and non-Hague parental/familial child abductions, custody and paternity matters, dissolutions, and support matters.
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It’s an all too common post-divorce scene: A hurt, angry parent trash talks their ex to the kids. They criticize their former partner’s parenting. They deny or limit visits. They place blame. They ask children to choose sides in adult situations. Simply put, they work overtime at poisoning the children against the other parent.
Common or not, this practice of parental alienation has long-term damaging effects for children. While one parent is aiming at the other, it’s the children who get hit. And thanks to a recent decision by the Minnesota Court of Appeals, these destructive behaviors could result in a change in custody.
In Minnesota, changing custody isn’t a simple task. Often, it requires one parent to demonstrate that the other parent is endangering—or causing substantial harm to—a child, whether physically, mentally or emotionally.
One non-custodial dad, Ismael Amarreh, recently set out to do just that.
In 2014, Ismael and his former partner, Hamida Amarreh, were awarded joint legal custody of their two children with parenting time as agreed by the parties. In the years that followed, Ismael alleged that the children’s mother systematically denied him time and access to the children, excluding him entirely from their lives. Ismael believed these behaviors amounted to child endangerment.
The Minnesota Court of Appeals agreed.
Overruling the decision of a District Judge, the Court of Appeals ruled that substantial interference with a parent and child relationship—such as the behaviors of Hamida—does constitute child endangerment and could result in a change of custody.
It’s simple: you’re putting both your children’s welfare and your access to them at risk. No matter how hurt or angry you may be, your first priority must be your children’s welfare. This includes promoting a healthy relationship with the other parent. No exceptions. Children need two parents who are invested in making sure their needs are met and not using them as weapons in an emotional war.
Your ex may very well be a vile human being, but this is the person with whom you chose to have a child. Your children deserve the chance to make up their own minds about the other parent’s character. As hard as it may be, they need to have an honest experience of who that other parent is. And all of this fosters resilience, a necessary trait to navigate a successful adulthood.
In the meantime, allow your children the room to live and be children. If your 3-year old is throwing tantrums about going with the other parent, know that this is a natural stage of child development, not a commentary on the other parent’s fitness. Your job is not to be a gatekeeper. Your job is nurture and love your children on this new, oftentimes scary, journey
Because with this precedent set by the Court of Appeals, continuing to deny access or nurture toxic beliefs of the other parent presents a very real danger of legal repercussions or even losing your children.
You’re not helpless. While you may not have control over your ex’s actions, you do have control over how you respond and how you process the situation with your children. Don’t give up. Don’t get angry. The most important thing you can do is stay involved and do your best to maintain a positive connection with your child.
If you’re starting to see trends toward alienating behaviors, find support as soon as possible. Reach out to a family law attorney, a therapist or a parenting coach familiar with parental alienation.
A strong, stable and loving relationship with both parents is critical to the emotional wellbeing of a child. Try to stop thinking of them as your ex and instead view them as your child’s parent. Let go of some of the anger and pain that’s unrelated to custody issues. Love your children enough to support a positive relationship with their other parent. It’s going to be hard. But your children are worth it.
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